A Year Without Resolutions

By Kirsten (Inara) Scott

I usually love making New Year’s resolutions. My husband and I have a standing date the last week of December to go out to a coffee shop and talk goals. We set individual goals and couple goals, usually five or six of each. Our individual goals range from standard health stuff (do more cardio) to career (apply for new job) to spiritual (meditate once a week). We’re planners by nature, and overachievers, so we have no problem coming up with goals. For the past five years, my goals have mainly centered around my writing: attend 2 conferences, write 2 books, submit to agents, etc., etc. The “couple goals” I set with my husband were predictable: make time for date night, play more board games.

This year, though, we didn’t set our resolutions. For the first time in years, I’m resolutionless.

The reason for this aimless state of being is equally strange: in the past year, all my dreams have come true.

Seriously, I know it sounds weird, but as long as I can remember, I had two goals that I organized my resolutions around: to get a book published, and quit my job. I did both in 2010.

Now, I had other dreams when I was growing up – to fall in love, find the man of my dreams, have a family…but here’s the thing: I DID THOSE THINGS YEARS AGO!

So here I am, with a very interesting problem. What do you do after all your dreams comes true?

I suppose the logical thing would be to set ever higher goals: hit the NY Times bestseller list, sign a new three book deal, and go on more dates with my husband. That’s what I thought I would do, and indeed, feel a little guilty for not doing. But here’s the thing – I’m tired of setting goals. I’m interested in trying something different. I want to try living one day at a time, and enjoying moments as I experience them.

We are an achievement-based culture, obsessed with lists and goals, results and tangible outcomes you can include on a report card. Goal-setting surrounds us at work and at home.

Now I wonder: is it possible that we focus too much on goals and not enough on appreciating the life that we are living now?

I have a feeling that I did, for a long time. Of course, I’m glad for what I’ve achieved. I wouldn’t take away any of my accomplishments, and I certainly don’t regret the five am morning writing sessions, and working through all the rejections that plagued me along the way. But the funny thing about goals is that life doesn’t change after you’ve reached them. It isn’t the achievements that make you happy. It’s the life you build around the achievements that matters. It’s the living, not the “crossing things off” on a list that brings real happiness.

So, what will 2011 bring for me? Some ups and downs, I expecct. So far, I haven’t landed a new three-book deal, or hit a bestseller list, or even sold a new book. I’ve started to do some contract lawyer work, and am finding myself back to figuring out the right balance of work, writing, and spending time with my kids. But here’s the funny thing – I’m just as happy as I was on the day I quit my job.

I guess, in a way, I have set a resolution for 2011. No more resolutions. Just more living.

What about you? Have you ever achieved something you dreamed about, and then wondered what was on the other side? Ever set a resolution, or resolved NOT to set resolutions? I’d like to hear about your dreams and your living, too.

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