White Meat and Madras

I may have, at least in my opinion—the only one that counts—arguably the best Go-To-Hell pants oeuvre accumulated. I’ve crowed about them before. Usually about this time of year…far enough into the sunnier days to have layered on a respectable patina of tan...I bring them out. “Patina of Tan”…sounds like a potentate from South Asia.

Anyway, here’s an already known-to-me fact that as summer 2011 surfaces, seems magnified one hundred fold. If you don’t have at least trace elements of a suntan…then madras, linen and most certainly, any of the edgier summer togs…batik, paisley…you know…the stuff that might get your ass beat if worn in unaccepting environs, looks like crap. The so-bad-for-you vitamin-D provoking, melanin teasing, ten years older looking than you are; ultra-violence, is THE secret sauce for making one’s summer togs pop. See above.

Butcept I won’t be popping with aplomb this season. That damned dermatologist I saw month before last might be saving my life and my hide but she’s effing with my dermal disposition. Shut up.

Patch madras, about which by the way, I've proffered no rules and regs for this season, looks like crap when your limbs are almost pale to a blue translucent level. I learned this last weekend at LFG’s soccer game.

And linen fares no better. Two inch cuffs are required but two inch turn ups hovering over ankles of the same hue create unwanted monochromatic sameness. And socks? With linen or madras or paisley trousers? Just shoot me now.

There are a few occasions when socks are ok with linen trou but the concession criteria are rigorous. Above I offer an example for your guidance. You can PayPal me.

And don’t even offer me the alternative of something spray-on. Even I, the foppish philanderer have a dandiacal breakpoint. Dandiacally pale...dermatically attenuated...in slippers.

The luminescence of one' ankles isn't even foreshadowed by the pimposity of blue and red suede Donald J. Plonker lug soled absurdities. Shut up. 

So here we go. Into the weekend...blessed...that at present, this is my biggest complaint.

Onward. ADG II